To the Catholic Church's "seven deadly sins," Pope Francis has added the "15 ailments of the Curia."

VATICAN CITY (AP) — To the Catholic Church's "seven deadly sins," Pope Francis has added the "15 ailments of the Curia."

Francis issued a blistering indictment of the Vatican bureaucracy Monday, accusing the cardinals, bishops and priests who serve him of using their Vatican careers to grab power and wealth, of living "hypocritical" double lives and forgetting that they're supposed to be joyful men of God.

Francis turned the traditional, genteel exchange of Christmas greetings into a public dressing down of the Curia, the central administration of the Holy See which governs the 1.2-billion strong Catholic Church. He made clear that his plans for a radical reform of the structures of church power must be accompanied by an even more radical spiritual reform of the men involved.

Ticking off 15 "ailments of the Curia" one by one, Francis urged the prelates sitting stone-faced before him in the marbled Sala Clementina to use the Christmas season to repent and atone and make the church a healthier, holier place in 2015.

Vatican watchers said they had never heard such a powerful, violent speech from a pope and suggested that it was informed by the results of a secret investigation ordered up by Emeritus Pope Benedict XVI in the aftermath of the 2012 leaks of his papers.

Benedict tasked three trusted cardinals to probe deep into the Vatican's back-stabbing culture to root out what would have prompted a papal butler to steal incriminating documents and leak them to a journalist. Their report is known only to the two popes.

Francis had some zingers: How the "terrorism of gossip" can "kill the reputation of our colleagues and brothers in cold blood." How cliques can "enslave their members and become a cancer that threatens the harmony of the body" and eventually kill it off by "friendly fire." How some suffer from "spiritual Alzheimer's," forgetting what drew them to the priesthood in the first place.

"The Curia is called on to always improve itself and grow in communion, holiness and knowledge to fulfill its mission," Francis said. "But even it, as any human body, can suffer from ailments, dysfunctions, illnesses."

Francis, who is the first Latin American pope and never worked in the Italian-dominated Curia before he was elected, has not shied from complaining about the gossiping, careerism and bureaucratic power intrigues that afflict the Holy See. His 2013 Christmas address cast a spotlight on such sins.

But a year into his reform agenda, Francis seemed even more emboldened to make clear to the prelates themselves that superficial displays of change aren't what he is looking for.

"This is a speech without historic precedent," church historian Alberto Melloni, a contributor to Italian daily Corriere della Sera, said in a telephone interview. "If the pope uses this tone, it's because he knows it's necessary."

Melloni noted that until Francis was elected, the Vatican bureaucracy largely answered to no one, saying "an entire generation of the Curia ran it as if they were pope." St. John Paul II was too busy travelling the world, and later too sick, to pay attention to administrative details, and Benedict left the minutiae of running a government to his deputy, later determined to have been part of the problem.

The Rev. Robert Wister, a church historian at Seton Hall University, said Francis was essentially asking the Curia to undergo an examination of conscience, asking them to reflect on how they had sinned before God before going to confession.

"Perhaps he believes that only a severe rebuke can help turn things around," he said.

The cardinals were not amused. Few smiled as Francis spoke, and at the end they offered only tepid applause to a speech that was so carefully prepared it had footnotes and Bibilical references. Francis greeted each one, but there was little Christmas cheer in the room.

It is, to be fair, a difficult time for the Curia. Francis and his nine key cardinal advisers are drawing up plans to revamp the whole bureaucratic structure, merging offices to make them more efficient and responsive.

Francis has said though that while this structural reform is moving ahead, what is taking much longer is the "spiritual reform" of the people involved.

The Vatican's finances are also in the midst of an overhaul, with Francis' finance czar, Cardinal George Pell, imposing new accounting and budget measures on traditionally independent congregations not used to having their books inspected.

Francis started off his list with the "ailment of feeling immortal, immune or even indispensable."

Then one by one he went on: Being rivals and boasting. Wanting to accumulate things. Having a "hardened heart." Wooing superiors for personal gain. Having a "funereal face" and being too "rigid, tough and arrogant," especially toward underlings — a possible reference to the recently relieved Swiss Guard commander said to have been too tough on his recruits for Francis' tastes.

Some critiques could have been seen as worthy of praise: working too hard and planning too much ahead. But even those traits came in for criticism as Francis noted that people who don't take time off to be with family are overly stressed, and those who plan everything to a "T'' don't allow themselves to be surprised by the "freshness, fantasy and novelty" of the Holy Spirit.

At the end of the speech, Francis asked the prelates to pray that the "wounds of the sins that each one of us carries are healed" and that the Church and Curia itself are made healthy.

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Follow Nicole Winfield at www.twitter.com/nwinfield

Christmas greetings after the Urbi et Orbi Message: A message from Pope Francis last December 2013.

   

To you, dear brothers and sisters, gathered from throughout the world in this Square, and to all those from different countries who join us through the communications media, I offer my cordial best wishes for a merry Christmas!

On this day illumined by the Gospel hope which springs from the humble stable of Bethlehem, I invoke the Christmas gift of joy and peace upon all: upon children and the elderly, upon young people and families, the poor and the marginalized. May Jesus, who was born for us, console all those afflicted by illness and suffering; may he sustain those who devote themselves to serving our brothers and sisters who are most in need. Happy Christmas to all!

Prayer Before the Blessed Sacrament

When the faithful adore Christ present in the sacrament, they should remember that this presence derives from the sacrifice and is directed towards both sacramental and spiritual communion.

In consequence, the devotion which leads the faithful to visit the Blessed  Sacrament draws them into an ever deeper participation in the Paschal Mystery. It leads them to respond gratefully to the gift of him who through his humanity constantly pours divine life into the members of his body. dwelling with Christ our Lord, they enjoy his intimate friendship and pour out their hearts before him for themselves and their dear ones, and pray for the peace and salvation of the world. They offer their entire lives with Christ the Father in the Holy Spirit, and receive in this wonderful exchange an increase of faith, hope and charity. Thus they nourish those right dispositions which enable them with all due devotion to celebrate the memorial of the Lord and receive frequently the bread given us by the Father.

The faithful should therefore strive to worship Christ our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, in harmony with their way of life. Pastors should exhort them to this, and set them a good example.

Note: This is from S.C.R., Eucharisticum Mysterium no. 50

Communion Outside Mass

a. It is necessary to accustom the faithful to receive communion during the actual celebration of the Eucharist. Even outside Mass, however, priests will not refuse to distribute communion to those who have good reason to ask for it. By permission of the bishop of the place, according to the norm of the Motu Proprio Pastorale Munus, n.4, or by permission of the major superior of a religious institute according to the Rescript  Cum admotae, Art.1,n.1, communion may be distributed even during the afternoon.


b. When, at the prescribed times, communion is distributed outside Mass, if it is judged suitable, a short Bible service may precede it, in accordance with the Instruction 'Inter Oecumenici', nn. 37 and 39.


c. If Mass cannot be celebrated because of a lack of priests, and communion is distributed by a minister who has the faculty to do this by indult from the Holy See, the rite laid down by the competent authority is to be followed.

Note: This quoted from Instruction on the Worship of the Eucharistic Mystery; Eucharisticum Mysterium no. 33. 

Free will and the Problem of Evil

Before we tackle on the idea of St. Augustine’s free will and the problem of Evil let as then acknowledge that he read the works of Plato and even understand things in a Platonian view. The world of ideas and the senses. But when he was converted to Christianity he used this kind of framework in understanding his belief regarding Christianity and even believed that what he found in the Sacred Books which are not to be found in Plato. He has a lot of teachings and he regarded as one of the doctors of the Catholic Church.

In the past, Plotinus explained how man become unfree. He even said that it is in the body that we become materialistic, as I put it. Inside in us, there is this tag of war, the battle of the soul and the body. The attraction of our body is towards sensible world, while the attraction of our soul is towards Nous/One, or in Christianity God.  For St. Augustine, he believed that God made soul and body. But he denied of what others understood that it seems other thinkers blame the body as the cause of evil. In fact God made this substance, how could God create a substance evil besides God is good? “I saw that their search for the cause of evil they had become full of malice, and because of this they deemed that your substance is subject to evil, rather than their own substance committed evil”.[1] It is our freedom that we commit sin, we commit evil. Man has a freedom to choose and that’s the greatest gift that God gave to us. But this, if we let ourselves lavish in the sensible world, it is then that we are sinned. God did not create evil by the way, for He is absolutely good.  

Augustine understands evil is not a substance as he said, it is just a “deprivation of good”.[2] He made an example; for instance an animal. An animal has a disease or wounded, this disease or wound is a deprivation of health. When this animal die, the disease would simply go away and die also. “A wound or disease is not a substance, but a fault in organic flesh substance; it is flesh which is the substance, something good therefore which these evils happen to…”[3] He believe that God did not create evil for He is absolutely good. He created all things good without a mixture of bad, for if it is bad, it’s nothing because evil is not existing and no one creates evil for there is no creator. Plotinus even said; Evil is nothingness, it is void and none existing.” “But evil, of which I asked, “Whence is it?” is not a substance, for it were a substance, it would be good”.[4] “Evil has no positive nature; but the loss of good has received the name 'evil.”[5] Augustine realizes that evil is always injures us and this injury is the deprivation of goodness. We can barely understand this, since all things are created good, evil must be a deprivation of goodness. All that is corrupted must be a deprivation of goodness and this is called evil.

Now let us proceed to freedom of man. In CCC.no.363 stated that; “ Freedom is the power given by God to act or not to act, to do this or to do that, and so to perform deliberate actions on one’s own responsibility. Freedom characterizes properly human acts. The more one does what is good, the freer one becomes. Freedom attains its proper perfection when it is directed toward God, the highest good and our beatitude. Freedom implies also the possibility of choosing between good and evil. The choice of evil is an abuse of freedom and leads to the slavery of sin.” Augustine’s answer of freedom is based on his understanding of the rationality of man.

“He argues that in order for God to create rational creatures, such as human beings, he had to give them freedom of will. Having freedom of will means being able to choose, including choosing between good and evil. For this reason God had to leave open the possibility that the first man, Adam, would choose evil rather than good. According to the Bible this is exactly what happened, as Adam broke God’s command not to eat fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.”[6]

Rationality is the ability for us to evaluate choices through our reason. This would only possible if there is freedom to choose, either good or bad.

“Augustine also suggests a third solution to the problem, asking us to see the world as a thing of beauty. He says that although there is evil in the universe, it contributes to an overall good that is greater than it could be without evil—just as discords in music can make a harmony more lovely, or dark patches add to the beauty of a picture.”[7]

“A world without evil, Augustine says, would be a world without us—rational beings able to choose their actions. Just as for Adam and Eve, our moral choices allow for the possibility of evil.” What made Adam capable of obeying God’s commands also made him able to sin.

Conclusion 

It is now clear to us that evil is not something which is created, it is uncreated, without substance and absolutely nothing and void because no one created it. That is why we cannot blame God nor our body if we commit sin because it is what we chose. We are responsible for our freedom. CCC no.362 says; “Freedom makes people responsible for their actions to be the extent that they are voluntary, even if the imputability and responsibility for an action can be diminished or sometimes cancelled by ignorance, inadvertence, duress, fear, inordinate attachments, or habit.” The responsibilities of man depend on the morality of his actions. In CCC no. 367 presented that there are three sources of morality of human acts; the object chosen, either true or apparent good; the intention of the object who acts, that is, the purpose for which the subject performs the act; and the circumstances of the act, which include its consequences.

We have seen how St. Augustine understands freedom and the problem of evil. In fact, as Christians we also understand it base on his idea. Can we therefore blame God by giving us freedom? Or can we conclude that it is because of our freedom we commit sin? I think we can only accept the second question. But I think it is also tantamount to the first one. But if we give credit to the idea that is given by CCC no. 368 we can have an idea that is not because of God. It is because of how man acted his choices. How is an act morally good? As CCC no. 368;

An act is morally good when it assumes simultaneously the goodness of the object, of the end, and of the circumstances. A chosen object can by itself vitiate an act in its entirety, even if the intention is good. It is not licit to do evil so that good may result from it. An evil end corrupts the action, even if the object is good itself. On the other hand, a good end does not make an act good if the object of that act is evil, since the ends does not justify the means. Circumstances can increase or diminish the responsibility of the one who is acting but they cannot change the moral quality of the acts themselves. They never make good an act which is in itself evil.

It is though our action that we become sinful. It is not because of God but it is because of how we choose our action wisely.

 For instance; “There was a man live in a squatter area. He have children but have no work. His scarcity of food and of everything lead him to steal for the benefits of his family. His intentions, for the goodness of his family, in order to leave and out of hunger were for the first place good, but it doesn’t mean that the act itself is good. He’s still responsible of his action and that leads him into sin.”

Some people would blame God of how they suffered (e.i. problems, poverty, etc.) but they do not know that it is because of how they chose their choices wisely. We cannot blame God which is the creator of all goodness. Man’s freedom is toward goodness, not for sinfulness. Sometimes we equate freedom as the cause of our sins and this absolutely against the goodness of God.

Finally, it is the nature of man to seek God, for his life is nothing without Him. It is in Him and with Him that we can taste absolute happiness for He is the true happiness. When man does not seek God, he is thrown and succumbed by evil and that is how he commit sin. For man is for God and not for evil. Evil is not the creator of man because evil is nothing. Man cannot find happiness from evil for it is not his nature. It is in his heart that goodness is planted by God. That is why St. Augustine would say; “My heart is restless until it rest in Thee”.

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[1] John K. Ryan, The confessions of St. Augustine,(A division of Doubleday & Company, Inc. Garden City, New York, 1960).,160.

[2] Henri Marrou, Saint Augustine and his influence through the ages,(Harper and Brothers, New York).,87.

[3] Ibid.

[4] John K. Ryan, The confessions of St. Augustine,(A division of Doubleday & Company, Inc. Garden City, New York, 1960).,172.

[5] Augustine, The City of God, XI, CHAP. 9.

[6] https://www.inkling.com/read/the-philosophy-book-buckingham-1e/chapter-2/st--augustine-of-hippo-354430

[7] Ibid.

JUST LEADERSHIP

Just Leadership is my own fashion of how I consider the best way to follow when I am already in the ministry. This resulted when I integrated the lessons I learned from the subject Introduction to Pastoral Theology from, the varieties of handouts given by my professor. Every author of the book presented good points regarding the issue we are facing right now. In my own model I added word at the beginning of the term which we tackled from different author like; real formation of one’s self, the true ministry, true service, true teaching plus discernment equals just leadership.

First of all, before proceeding to my own framework, I ask myself, “Now that I understood how our Church managed her flock, what must I do to respond the challenge of the Pope?” There are many ways that we can solve the problems of the Church but that can be possible when one is faithful enough to his ministry. We see the great impact of postmodernism in our world today. Postmodernism in one point is good. For they are “keenly conscious of the importance of community, of social dimension of existence.”[1] And the conception of wholeness also extends to the religious aspect of life. If this consciousness is taken into serious the Church never be always imposing doctrines. The Church have been deafened to the needs of her people for some leaders are too rigid to their laws. What the Code of Canon law presented must be abided. That is why the Church does not know how to listen to their people.

If we try to trace back from the time of Jesus, when he was doing His ministry, He never tired of listening to His people. He never tired of serving the needy. He serves people without minding the cost. Because it is in service that He found happiness. But how are we? Are not Christians, the followers of Christ? We claim Christians, but why our ministry is different from Christ?

In His time, the Church had been defective already. That is why when the Pharisees and the Scribes ask Jesus about the abolitions of the law, Jesus said in reply, “Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets. I have come not to abolish but to fulfill it” (Mt. 5:17). It is clearly perceived that the ministry was defective. That is why Jesus fulfilled it by serving the needy. This is how we consider the true ministry and the Church must follow the ministry of Jesus because we claim that we are His followers. I conceive that some leaders of the church are too idealistic. They perceived that our church is becoming exclusively for the elite, but they have no actions. Some even presented ideas on how to reach others, but there is no change. Some priests, especially in the seminary would always teach their seminarians to serve the least of the community, but they themselves always stay at their luxurious rooms and sometimes out of town because they have their beach outing. How could they teach their seminarians were, in fact, they themselves are not doing it? I always believe that the problem of our Church should start in the seminaries. How could true ministry in service becomes real? Nowhere, that is why Margaret J. Wheatley would say, “let us go back to ourselves.” It is an individual’s formation first. If we are able to form ourselves, our ego, and then that’s the time that we can start working, by doing true service. “No one can lead well without knowing and confronting his or her inner demons.”[2] Taming the individual’s ego needs real formation of the self. That is why we go back to the formation of the seminarians in the seminaries. It should be in the seminaries that personal issues be tamed. So that when the time comes progress in our church are apparently conceivable.

Pope Francis I, saw that our world is divided. The Gap is driven by money. The gap between the rich and the poor. And this brought him into reflection of how the church can enter into the world of division. The people of today worship God no more. We are going back to the time when the Jewish our ancestors worship the golden calf while Moses was on the mountain. This is now the world of exclusion as Pope said. But the Pope demanded, “We don’t want this, we don’t buy this”. The Pope cannot bear to let the world being excluded and included.

In his Evangelii Gaudium, he lamented that the Church should now make an action to stop this problem. And the Church should also be the subject to change, because our church is apparently doing exclusivity. We must be the Church of the poor. Let our Church be transparent to the outcast and the excluded. Let us hear their cry, their anguish, their being dehumanized. This is not the real Church. The real and the loveable Church must smell like her people, muddy and tattered, like Jesus Christ the bridegroom. Let the joy of the Church be experienced to her people, to all her children. But how can the joy be scattered when we ourselves have personal goals to conquer? How can the joy be shared when we ourselves do not tame our ego.  Pope Francis himself poisoned his ego. As we have understood in the book “Pope Francis, Why He Leads The Way He Leads” by Chris Lowney, he undertook his egoistic self by taming it when he was still in the seminary. He didn’t wish to have fame rather he serves as oath to be like Christ. And that is the true service. If we are true to our self, if we learn to serve without cost, if we think others first before us we can do and act like Jesus did. Lastly, if we have the love to serve the least of our brothers and sisters we can make change.

The teachings of Pope Francis are authentic because he is a man of action. What he preaches, he is also doing it. How a teaching could become authentic when one is not doing it? How the teachings of a seminary rector can become authentic when he is not doing it? How the teachings of the Church become real when no one is doing it? Priests should teach and act because no one believes if no one is acting. Pope Francis is the best example. Not because he is oath to do but he loves to do so. Why? Because he was able to tame his self. Service for the people first before himself. If we have much worry of ourselves we cannot serve others faithfully. A true servant would not always think of what is in return.

Another which is very important and it should not be taken for granted is one’s discernment.  It is very important for us, especially pastors of the church to have personal discernment, for it is in discernment that we can make our plan better. Wheatly say this as “going back to one’s self”. Many parish priests would feel their ministry boring. Why? Because they don’t spend time for reflection. Even having their homilies. Others rely on the capacity of their mind, because they are thinking that they are witty enough. Some may be irritating because they don’t prepare. Their homilies are repeating, floating and irrelevant conclusion. If a pastor would not spend time for reflection, he won’t be able to sustain and make his ministry fruitful. The much danger here, if he encounters problems, he may turn into irrelevant conclusion or plan. His parish will be endangered.  Pope Francis even is spending time for reflection.  We have to pull back, retreat in order to make good plans. It is too risky when one keeps moving forward. We are not superhuman. Jesus Himself spent time for reflection. After so much activity He had, He took Himself away from the crowd for discernment. The good thing here, if we learn to pull back, we can see the bigger picture. One good point that the Pope had said, “Immerse yourself in the world, but withdraw from the world daily.” We cannot see the beauty of our ministry if we keep focusing on one setting. For instance, we cannot, if not, see the beauty of Cebu City if we just merely look at the buildings, but if you try to ride on an  airplane and look downward you will be amazed by what you see. That’s the beauty of discernment. It gives you a good detailed plan.

                Finally, these things can only be possible if we interplay each other. Just leadership can be made true when one undergone the said formation. We salute to our Pope Francis I, for being a just and true leader in our Church. Chris Lowney made mention of how Pope Francis had undergone. That is why, many leaders in our world today, regardless with what sect they belong, would try to imitate him, his kind of leadership. Being trained with Jesuit congregation is not the only reason why he became a good leader, but he trained himself as Christ Jesus demanded. It is not a matter of what congregation we belong nor its popularity, but it depends upon the person itself. If a person would submit his life wholly to the ministry, there’s no need of having trained with well-known congregations. Whether you are a diocesan or religious it doesn’t matter for as long as you serve like Jesus did, like Pope Francis is doing. We should always remember that by so doing, it demands total submission of the self. So our ministry would become better, at least better by being formed with the following; real formation of one’s self, the true ministry, true service, true teaching plus discernment equals just leadership.

I hope it will become possible when my time comes.

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[1] Stanley J. Grenz, A Primer on Postmodernism. (William B. Eerdmans Pub. Com. Grand Rapids, Michigan/Cambrige U.K.1996).,14.

[2] Chris Lowney, Pope Francis, Why he leads the way he leads. (Loyola Press. A Jesuit Ministry, Chicago, 2013).,35.

“Am I Totally Free?”

Am I totally free? This question really resonates inside my mind.

At the age of eight I was aware of my family background. My father was a farmer and my mother was formerly a housewife. We are also sharecroppers. Seeing my family and the root of it, it driven me to dream of making a difference. To become rich. I want to get my family out from dirty, dusty and messy job as we inherited from our ancestors back then. In school I was in jealous with my classmates who has everything (i.e. new shoes, bags, uniforms and plenty of money). In fact, when I was in 5^th grader I dreamt of becoming an engineer. I wished of having rich family.

In High School I separated from my family because I had in mind that “my family is struggling spending the rest of my brothers and sisters in school how much more if I am already in high school year”? Poverty drove me to dream of richness in life, because I believe in old adage “Poverty is not a hindrance to success”. That is why I wrestled with poverty just to get what I wanted. But from there later I realized that “Oh I am now enslave with my dream of richness”. I studied because I want to be somebody in the crowd. I did not yet look at the other side of the coin. Looking back my life before, I realized that I was never, never free at all. Yes, I was free to dream and demanding myself to strive hard yet I did not get what I’d wanted. I was free to dream but only in dreaming, nothing is for real. It never happen to my life.  

I entered in the Seminary last June 2010. I can’t recall the very significant incidence the reason why I entered there, because there were too many of them. No wonder, my life was being boxed with that kind of formation. That’s how I exaggerated it. Full of rules and regulations and demands. For instance, you need to excel in academics, pastoral chores and many more. Basically my life was being fixed for what the formation needed.

When I got my 3^rd year in the seminary I encountered the very famous man in the Church named St. Augustine of Hippo. It is from him he started the ball rolling about the issue of freedom. Freedom may started from Ancient Philosophy but not tackled seriously. But in the modern time freedom started to float.

When I almost finished my college formation I was thinking that “Oh I have now the freedom to do things which I never ever experience before”!  I was so excited to find job outside because I felt that what kind of path I had chosen was never apt my lifestyle. Woe to me! I was just making my own judgments.  When the year was about to end, when everything was being set already (i.e. my toga, fully paid accounts) everything was turned into 180◦. My mind was changed. Everything was sheered and crystalized. One of the reasons why I planned to stop was “No one can support me in my theology formation”. But God was so gracious, He planned everything in my life. He makes my path clear. In this sense, do I have to say I am not free? No, no need to say that I wasn’t free at all. In fact, I can still deny and say no to the one who promised me to handle everything in my formation.

Let us now turn into the freedom of man as the mean theme of my reflection. And let us salvage some thoughts of Augustine when he says “true freedom was achieved only through a long process by which the knowledge and will of an individual are healed by the grace of God (gratia Dei, in Latin)”. Isn’t it hard to achieve? We can present varieties of ideas here. In fact we can also inject examples in order to support and discuss this thesis. We know for a fact that our freedom or believe it or not, a gift from the Lord. “Hello world” is the first sentence we found in the book of “The hope for the Flower” merely saying “I am free”. When the moment we were born freedom is at hand. But what was St. Augustine meant?

In my own perspective, freedom is achieve when human mind and heart are in one track. Meaning they agree each other. Plotinus then said, “The attraction of our body is towards matter or material things while the attraction of our soul is ultimately towards God”. Now this issue becomes complicated. How the man now becomes free? He even said, if I paraphrase it “It is the body that we become evil” and evil makes us unfree. Yes literally we are free but we are still accountable of our deeds. Man’s nature is always towards good. I for instance studying here in this seminary. We know that this seminary is promoting what we called “Responsible freedom” a freedom which is you are responsible. It doesn’t mean freedom which is freedom of everything.

Few weeks after I came here, I was faithful in following activities especially religious routines. Two or three months after I became easy go lucky. Most often I did not attend mass, I had absences. I don’t mind when the bell rung and just go back to bed and continue my beautiful dream. I did it because I love to sleep. I am conscious of what I was doing and even my conscience bothered me. I was thinking that, I did it because anyway I am free, no one will force me to attend the mass. Unlike in college life, you cannot escape because everything is in surveillance. We even had cameras in the corner. Everybody is noticeable because we are in dorm. Unlike here, we have our own room privately and no one will scrutinize who is not present in the mass. I can do what I want except girls or having girlfriend. Later on I realized, “oh this can affects my vocation”. Though my formators will not notice my actions but in the end I will be the one who will reap what I sow.  What kind of priest am I in the future if I will not tame this attitude? I don’t know why I was able to survive in my college life.

In my case, inside of me was in tag of war. My soul keeps on forcing me to stand and attend the holy mass but my body also was demanding to stay at my bed and have a good sleep. And sometimes my soul always wins the battle. If I try to answer my question “Am I totally free?” then I would say no, not at all, because I have my body and I am my body. I have my soul and I have my body too.

Responsible freedom is good, but it doesn’t mean that we are not responsible of what we are doing. The “ends justify the means”, as Niccolò Machiavelli says. What kind of result out from our action, justifies our freedom. We are free if the result is towards goodness.